Imbalance

"…And you will say that you're making headway and put it in overdrive but you're mistaking speed for getting what you need and never even noticing you never do arrive…."

–Aimee Mann, Driving Sideways, Magnolia Soundtrack

I've been thinking about how to describe the work I do.

It was a struggle because to me it's as natural to talk about what I do as if describing to you how to get from my den to the bathroom (walk through the kitchen take a left and it's the 2^nd door on the right).  

I live in the south and I was surprised that some people didn't know what Reiki was.

Well bless my naïve little heart.

So I had to take a step back and look at what I do.

It comes down to imbalance.

Let's talk about driving.

Think about the last time you drove your car at night.

At highway speed it's harder to see potholes, harder to spot highway police parked in speed traps and, without looking at a clock, it's harder to gauge how long you've been driving because there's no sun to follow.

Deer really dig the night life.

Think about a night where you were driving on the interstate and traffic had come to a halt and you found yourself behind a tractor trailer with its brakes engaged.

Red brake lights lit up like Christmas.

The lights were so bright it was probably hard to see anything else.

Pfft. Forget about being able to see around the tractor trailer.

Your eyes stung from the glare and you had to turn your head away or flipped down the sun visor.

Cars came up behind you and their lights reflected in your rearview mirror.

Into your eyes.

Fun times.

Up until this point you were probably eager to get to where you wanted to go, but now…

Now you're only thinking about how long you're going to be sitting still.

Worried about how late you'll be arriving to your destination.

Worried if you're going to run out of gas.

Worried if you do run out of gas how much will it cost to have your car towed or to hitch a ride to get gas.

Blaming yourself (or someone else) for not leaving on your journey sooner.

So you sit there.

In the car.

Possibly getting irritated.

Probably getting mad.

Probably thinking about the missed opportunity to go the bathroom at the gas station.

Thinking about the guy in front of you at the gas station who took too long to count out his change to buy cigarettes.

Yeah. This is all that guy's fault.

You've been so focused on being angry that you're not focused on solutions. You're not thinking about how this could not be that bad (all things considered).

I'm not going to get into the physiological effects of what being angry for prolonged periods of time does to your body (I'll save those gems for another blog post).

Think of the tractor trailer as an issue you have that you knew you've been aware of for a while, but have been avoiding or thought was "no big deal."

Now you have no other choice but to face the business-end of what's keeping you from your goal.

With people I talk to it's never just 1 big issue. It's usually 2 to 3 in-your-face issues and at least as many "hidden" ones.

That's where the imbalance is the most obviously not obvious. 

Let's use the example of advertising your business.

That's communication. It's speaking your truth about who you are and your business and what you do.

Are you reluctant about sharing what you do? Why? How confident do you feel about your business? How much value would you give yourself in your business? How's your creative desire looking these days?

Are you worried about paying for advertising? Are you always worried about money? Have you always worried about money? Do you trust yourself to make choices you feel good about, that serve you and move your business forward?

Worried you're making the right choices in getting the word out about your business?

Do you have a support system in place to bounce ideas off of and get non-intrusive, constructive criticism?

You're so distracted with worry you don't think to take a step back (turn off the ignition) and figure out other solutions.

If you hadn't done so already, I would suggest turning off the ignition to save gas.

Yeah, that is the obvious thing to do, but sometimes when you're in the middle of being mad, making obvious choices are akin to working a miracle so I'm not going to get judgey if you didn't think to turn off the ignition.

I use "judgey" a lot.

As a coach I'm going to point some things out to you to help you get your thought process going in a positive direction.

I'm going to give you the accountability you need, action-oriented exercises to develop your consistency muscle and southern sass when I sense you're playing small.

The world doesn't need any more playing small and you know it.

Beating your chest with regret is not going to serve you, so work with me to unlearn doing it.

Together, we're going to find ways to help you serve your business best. 

Ways that feel good to you. 

Ways you trust. 

Ways that nurture the part of you that knows the WHY of what you do.

So while you're behind the tractor trailer, you may want to get out of the car and see how far ahead the traffic is. 

While you’re waiting, if the sky is clear, finding familiar constellations (you're just sitting there. Why not?).

Turn cartwheels in the middle of the road.

Start conversations with people in other automobiles.

Finish and send an email to a prospective client.

Jot down ideas for future projects and people you'd love to work with.

Create a spreadsheet to keep track of how many and where you send out pitches for speaking gigs or to guest blog.

Write a list of all the things you're grateful for.

Did you look at your goals today? If not, now would be a perfect time to re-read them.

Do you have written goals? If not, now would be a perfect time to write them.

This is the work I do. 

I help you get out of your own way.

If you'd like to be a part of a community of other small business owners and entrepreneurs where you can connect, brainstorm with and share your road trip stories, please join us here.

Thanks for reading this.

Life Unscripted: Self-Intervention

DISCLAIMER: Salty-and-to-the-point language

I'm not sure what you may or may not know about Reiki (which is a mental trigger that's telling me I should specifically blog about the topic), but since becoming a Reiki practitioner, there are a lot of things I really cannot ever un-see, un-hear or un-feel. Which is really more good than anything else, but sometimes when I'm not at peace with myself, it can feel like flat out annoyance.

I've talked about this a lot in my posts, but in the work of healing I pay more attention to things. It feels like being a child discovering something new and fascinating. In my posts, I mention being aware or "noticing things." Sometimes if I don't notice it right away, in thinking back on it sometime later, things "click."

When I started my journey with Reiki, and coming from a place of addiction, the struggle with seeing life as it is is an understatement I can't express with words. Probably with interpretive dance, but not words.

If you've ever felt like you were fighting a losing battle, then addiction brings a lot of feelings and memories to the surface.

Oh, before I forget to mention it, at this moment it's 7 in the morning. I say this because I woke up a little before 4:30 after going to bed about 12:30. It's not a usual sleep pattern for me these days, but I mention this because I woke up with strong feelings of regret, shame and guilt.

What did I do?

I did, what I feel, bordered on the self-destructive.

I didn't take good care of myself.

I ate a lot of sugar.

[Cue anti-climactic music and insert numerous studies on what sugar does to the brain.L]

The good news is as I lay in bed with feelings of guilt, shame and regret it triggered memories of college and too much drinking, partying, drugs, feeling sorry for myself, allowing for a lot of risky behavior, guilt, shame, regret, which triggered too much drinking, partying, drugs, feeling sorry for myself, allowing for a lot of risky behavior, guilt, shame, regret, which triggered too much drinking, partying, drugs, feeling sorry for myself, allowing for a lot of risky behavior, guilt, shame, regret, which triggered too much drinking…

This morning I laid in bed thinking about how I acted yesterday. The self-control I felt I didn't have. I felt like a maniac not in control of my body and the feeling (after the fact at 4:30 in the morning) scared the shit out of me. This on top of the embarrassment of how I feel I acted around my colleagues. I woke up thinking, "Maybe I need to email him to let him I know I'm sorry for how I acted at the meeting?"…"Was I really that loud? My voice carries. I was probably really loud. And obnoxious. I should email her and explain. Maybe it was all in my head and I wasn't THAT obnoxious. But what if I was?" The feeling of anxiety was at a ridiculous level.

Flashback to about 10 days ago. I went in for a well-visit with the gynecologist. Long-story short, she sent me, that day, to make what ended up being a next day appointment with a primary care physician for high blood pressure.

Yeah it was that high.

I can make all the excuses I want and write flowery words of stress and struggle and blah, blah, blah, but simply enough, I'm a stubborn ass and I wanted to do things my way and thought I knew enough about my body to get away with it.

Nope. No, me thinks I was a bit checked-out on that front.

High blood pressure is nothing to fuck with. Organ failure is nothing to fuck with. Organs failing is a problem.

I think what triggered yesterday's behavior was that I was feeling despair at having felt like I failed at taking better care of myself and in an effort to a give a speedy finger to the good habits I have had the last few months, on top of drinking coffee on an empty stomach first thing in the morning at the 1^st meeting (yikes), I pretty much split a box of gourmet donuts after lunch with my husband and then tried to balance it out (it's okay. You can laugh.) with another cup of coffee before going to a 2nd meeting.

Oh, and there were cocktails at lunch and dinner. Not a lot, but enough.

Oh and did I mention I have eczema and it flared up so bad I felt like it was saying, "Good job, jackass"?

Oh! Wait. Wait. Wait. Did I mention sugar seriously disrupts your sleep cycle especially within the week before a menstrual cycle begins?

happy fun time. yay.

So I'm at a crossroads and in writing this post I've already made a decision on where I want to go.

I can either choose to roll around in regret, guilt and shame and have it be a trigger for another round of bad behavior, or I can feel gratitude beyond measure for this powerful learning lesson and be mindful of what it has taught me.

Chuck, I choose option #2.

I am an amazing person and sometimes amazing people fuck up.

[Insert inspiring quote about messing up and bouncing back from it.]

I've accomplished more stuff in my life than I can recall at the moment and I need to embrace that instead of embracing that I should operate as a perfect person I cannot be.

How do you learn anything if you're perfect?

This situation is another lesson that continues to strengthen me as I continue on my path. I love that I am clear-headed enough to see that. I love that I am able to use my power for good in helping others. I love that I am not alone.

Thanks for letting me vent about this.

How do you bounce back from feelings of guilt, shame or regret?

Please comment below.